Finding Yourself
by girl in the green shoelaces
Summary: Bonnnie's been used and abused by her family. It's obvious that she is never given the chance to find herself. She's just forced into a mold. Someone knows exactly what she's going through, and that someone has every intention of helping her. Tabo


I don't own Kim Possible,

I've always wanted to kida i don't know save Bonnie, give her a chance to redeem herself. Here it is.

* * *

I don't fit in anywhere. Not at home, not at school. There is always someone better than me. I can never keep up no matter what I do. I hate it. I try so hard that it hurts and I never seem to win. One of these days I am terrified that people will realize that I don't belong.

Possible is perfect.

My sisters are perfect.

My father is perfect.

My mother is perfect.

What am i?

I am the one that doesn't really belong. I'm the one standing out in the rain because I don't want to go home and cheer practice is over. I'm the one staring at the sky asking why.

Why?

Why couldn't I have just been born into an average family where I wouldn't have to be this. Every time I go to change to say something that is really me I open my mouth and hear my mother. I look in the mirror and see someone who I don't want to be and I am stuck. There is no way out of this.

I'm walking out on a dark street, maybe if I'm lucky I'll get kidnapped and have some time to myself for once. Maybe I won't have to be the bitch of the year.

"Bonnie are you alright?"

Ahh I know that voice. Tara. She always seems to notice when I stop trying with my façade. That's when she's the nicest to me. I don't want her pity. I don't need it. What I need is a one way train ticket out of here.

"Tara."

I can't bring myself to lie to her. Not right now. I just can't seem to form the syllables. She's staring at me in the dark wondering if I am loosing it. She has to think that I am a complete loser. She's the only one at school that knows my sisters. She's seen them before, and ever since then she's compared them to me.

"Want to get a hot chocolate?"

She's got my arm and is dragging me toward her car. I don't even know if I can stop her. What is she doing ? Why would she wasn't to get a hot chocolate with me ? Do I really look that bad?

We are riding in silence. She's only half focused on the road, the rest of her attention is on me. I think she's trying to figure out what I really am. She knows I'm no where near the perfection of my sisters. She's trying to figure out how much of an outcast I really am. Tara.

She never really has been cruel.

She's really quiet.

She didn't vote for me or Possible saying that both of us are amazing. She never really hurts people. The worst thing that I have seen her do Is break up with Mankey. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Tara's pov.

I want to help her. She really looks like she needs it. I know what it's like to have parents that don't think that you are good enough. She needs to find herself. Sometimes she emerges. Sometimes I can tell that it's her talking not her mother. When she does I try to reinforce it but it never seems to work.

Every expectation in the world was made for she's trying to hold them up but it's not working . She's not leaning on anyone and sooner or later she's going to break. I know what it's like to look into a mirror and no see myself, eventually the mirror shatters and you're left in pieces.

She has so much potential but she never sees it. Her family has left her blind to all that she is. I figure it is something along the lines of starring at the sun. It leaves you blind to everything else.

We're close to the café. It's my favorite twenty four hour. Most girls prefer Starbucks, but this place is mom and pop and has the best hot chocolate. I think that Bonnie will like it.

If she'll actually drink it.

"So what were you doing out so late?"

There is something that she wants to say…maybe ask. She's all but twitching in her seat. I wish I knew. She has to want me to help her for me to be able to. She has to want to find herself to be able to look away from her sisters.

"I was out, sometimes I don't want to go home. Lonnie was at a photo shoot today and well, she's going to be flaunting her perfection through dinner. I never really like having to listen to that. All it is, is why can't you be as good as your sister? Why can't you do this? Why can't you do that."

I figured this is what was wrong but I never thought that she would admit it.

Bonnie's pov

I've already told her part of it. I might as well confide in her. I don't think that she'll tell anyone. I don't want her to pity me either though.

"Are you alright?"

Yes.

No.

I don't know. I want to get away from here. So badly that it hurts. I don't know who I am. I don't know where I stand. All there is, is perfection. All of these strong perfect people and then there is me. I just don't fit in.

"Bonnie."

DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?

"I know."

She knows? How can she know ? She can't know what I go through every day. She can't know what it's like to no matter how hard you try always fail. She's real I'm fake. How can she know what it feels like to not have any control?

"My family used to be the same way. I went to live with my brother. I couldn't stand it. Every time I opened my mouth it was my father's voice I heard. Every thing I did he controlled. He would go to the school and arrange my schedule for me."

She knows. But she got away.

"Bonnie. You're seventeen. You are going to graduate in three months. You are so close to getting out of there."

I feel like I am going to cry. But I don't cry. I never cry. That is just showing the world how broken you really are.

"I know."

She has her arms around me and well maybe I don't have to show the world, and since Tara already knows. Who is it going to hurt?

Tara's pov

She's kida wiggling around. Not completely free, not completely restrained. I have to keep trying to find her, if I don't' want her to wind up like her sisters. Worse she could wind up like my sister.

Tara felt a tear in her eye.

Tara watched as Bonnie walked toward her house. She looked terrified. Unsure of everything. No one ever say Bonnie like that. The only thing that people saw was a self confident bitch. She was as close to perfect as one could be. She rivaled the great Kim Possible.

Tara knew that Possible wasn't trying to do anything but by just being there she was taking away from what Bonnie considered to be herself.


End file.
